I used to call you Satan

“but now you’re just my delicious ickle snuggle-dumpling”.  Watching the nauseating spectacle of Mr and Mrs Cameron-Clegg pledging their political troths earlier, the  need for some good old-fashioned vicious political satire never seemed more pressing. Spitting Image would have had an absolute field day. The two Davids would have had nothing on this pair. “I wuv ooo”, “no, I wuv ooo more”, “I know I said that you were the devil incarnate, but that was just my teensy weensy ickle joke, my way of showing you how much I wuv oo”, “I love it when you talk tough on those benefit scroungers, it gives me a wibbly feeling in my tummy”…

Spitting Image would have had them mincing up the aisle of the Downing Street Rose Garden (and fancy choosing that as a venue) strewing rose petals and staging a 24-hour love-in and then both emerging hot, sweaty and triumphant at  having thrashed out their differences in a manly yet-loving fashion. *shudders*. The possibilities are endless.

Being a closet aficianado of Meatloaf, Paradise by the Dashboard Light suddenly takes on a whole new political resonance. You can see CallmeDave cast in the role of the wannabe lover, convinced he’s going to score a home-run, Clegg as the lover who won’t succumb until he has exacted firm committed promises, CallmeDave getting increasingly carried away on a sea of passion, his lust blinding him to the realities of the situation, with both parties finally  “praying for the end of time, it’s all that I can do…praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you” following a union of recrimination, regret and bitterness.

Alternatively I could see Mr and Mrs Cameron-Clegg singing a very convincing version of The Ballad of Tom Jones. “You stopped us from killing each other – PR, PR, PR, PR, you’ll never know but you saved our political lives. I never fagged for Louis Theroux, and I don’t come from Slough”. Or something.

Call me an old cynic but this ‘new politics’ has an eerily familiar ring. I also don’t believe that selling out your core principles re-branded as “compromise” is “grown up” you patronising so and so. It’s called hypocrisy and displays a seamy desire for power on both sides. So long as we’re in government it doesn’t really matter if we ditch most of our manifesto eh boys? Being “grown up” is leading by example, it’s showing courage and perhaps giving the country another opportunity to cast their vote, given the first round of voting was so indecisive. In an AV system isn’t the party that comes last, eliminated?

In the meantime, come back Spitting Image – you’re sorely needed.

Oh and in other news, I had a wonderful snapshot of middle England. The champagne being cracked open as Gordon made his exit and today when the news referred to “the prime minister, David Cameron” my mum clutching herself with joy,stealing a teary-eyed misty glance at my dad and declaring “how WONDERFUL to hear that” in paroxysms of delight, made my week!

One thought on “I used to call you Satan

  1. I love the way you write.

    I completely agree with what you’ve said. He’ll always be able to say he has been in power, he was part of a coalition..

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