Still floating

I had election-induced insomnia last night and was going to blog about the pros and cons of various parties. For the first time in my life I feel like my vote actually counts given that I live in a marginal constituency, the Labour MP securing victory by a mere 314 seats last time. Just to add to the pressure, I have been nominated as proxy to DH who is currently away in the Holy Land.

I am still cogitating, mulling, funnily enough praying and have resorted to consulting the oracle himself . Like the oracle I’m not going to divulge where my crosses are going to be put. But it’s still a bit of a puzzle nonetheless.

I wish I had the surety of mind in the same way as I do about my faith – I wish I knew what the best thing to do was, but sadly I’m still twisting and turning with no definite conclusion. Rather than boring everyone with my angst-ridden musings or stream of religious/political consciousness, in no particular order, here’s my flippant musings:

  1. I can’t cope with another 5 years of Gordon Brown and that funny thing he does with his mouth
  2. If the Tories don’t get in my parents are talking about leaving the country and going to live in St Malo – bonus, free holidays!
  3. Nick Clegg irritates me by having a Catholic wife, bringing his children up Catholic and  she hasn’t yet managed to convert him.
  4. CallmeDave gives the impression that he would fornicate with the next-door-neighbour’s cat provided it went to Oxbridge and had a title. Furthermore CallmeDave would fornicate with the next-door-neighbour’s cat provided it had “done the right thing” and showed an inkling that it might consider voting for him.
  5. I feel that someone else should “have a turn” at being PM now, regardless of whether or not that’s a good thing.
  6. The Lib Dems seem very earnest, perhaps too earnest, like a bunch of well-meaning sixth-formers. Many of their candidates make me feel too old or for some inexplicable reason remind me of Mr Gibson, my somewhat unassuming RE teacher.

I fear the reality is simply that I must follow my head and vote Monster Raving Loony, who seem to be the voice of reason in this climate of negativity, tactical voting and mud-slinging. Policies include making all socks be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one, banning all terrorists from having beards as they look scary, and perhaps their most innovative policy yet, the GCSE lottery  Before the beginning of exams, the exam board will select a certain phrase which will be kept secret. If any pupil inadvertently writes this phrase in any exam, he/she will automatically receive straight A* grades and a free teddy.

Emmaline Pankhurst would be proud!

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