I hate all this pop-psych jargon. Probably because I don’t understand half of it.
I need this blog as a bit of an outlet at the moment. Even if no-one reads it, I just feel the need to let off steam, to have my primal scream, in way that isn’t possible in real life.
I do feel hopelessly misunderstood. That fundamentally bothers me. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that none of us can be liked by all of the people all of the time and I need to come to terms with the fact that it really doesn’t matter what people think, it’s what’s in your heart that is of true value and worth.
The problem is, that at the moment, if I express any sort of hurt then I am instantly accused of manipulation, playing the victim and being passive-aggressive. In my ignorance I had no idea of what passive-aggressive meant, so I had to do a quick wikki.
I’m pretty sure that I’m not displaying any of those characteristics. All I want to do is say “play nicely chaps”. Can’t we keep the personal insults, name-calling and mud-slinging out of this. Debate a point on its merits as opposed to resorting to unkind retorts and schoolyard tactics, along the lines of “I hate you and so does x, y and z, here’s what they’ve said about you and look they’re still sending me emails about you”. It is making me want to leave the internet, to not be able to express myself at all for fear or what you might say or do next, particularly when I have been told “you’ll find a way to play the victim, you’ll manipulate that’s what you do”. This is not manipulation. This is simply saying stop. Enough. I enjoy the debate, but I don’t like being verbally assaulted and abused. I don’t like being called offensive names and labels which bear no relation to the reality.
Or is it simply that I’m not allowed to have feelings either? By refusing to believe hurt feelings, to accuse me of manipulation is to deflect your own guilt in the matter, apportioning blame elsewhere rather than taking responsibility. I conceded that I may have been a ill-judged in some of my choice of language. Why can’t you do the same? Is that because to admit that I might be genuinely hurt and upset and defensive as a result, concedes that I am human and not the unfeeling, uncaring bigot you would have us all believe?
In any event, continuing to blame me, continuing to assert how right you are and how universally despised I am and how my hurt is actually some elaborate sham, now that really is genuine passive-aggressive behaviour.
I almost came off FB again, I almost deleted this blog, heck it probably won’t be read that much, but I shall leave with the following bit of light relief.
All rather topical methinks.