Triduum fears

Those who read my article in the Catholic Herald over Christmas will know that Christmas had a special poignancy for us this year, it being the first time we could celebrate the coming of Our Lord together, no longer divided, either physically or spiritually.

This coming Easter promises to be equally special, not only because of the celebration itself, but because of the birth of our child. Easter is always a time of great sadness and joy, and these themes are again echoed in our family circumstances. For the first time we should be able to celebrate the most important occasion in the Christian calendar fully united and yet we will be separate but for once not due to the demands of the Triduum: usually Easter Sunday consisted of four separate Masses, the vigil Mass, the 8am Sunday morning Mass, the 11am Service and finally on the evening of Easter Sunday we would attend Catholic Mass together.

This year seems strangely quiet and both of us are antsy. Robin, because whilst busy at work, is missing the usual Holy Week preparations, there’s been no veiling of statues and icons, no Church to prepare, no Agape supper, no Holy Thursday foot-washing and watch, no Good Friday Walk of Witness, Childrens’ Stations of the Cross, Vicarage Hot cross Buns, Solemn Liturgy and none of the weekend services. This was brought home on Passion Sunday, being ‘just a voice in the crowd’ instead of traditionally reading the part of Christ, seemed bizarre, although being ‘just a voice in the crowd’ is proving to be a humbling and enriching experience. After having led the parish Triduum for 14 years, participating as a member of the parish congregation is giving ample time for spiritual reflection, as opposed to spending Holy Week caught up in the usual whirlwind of preparation and homily writing. This week he was ruefully practicing his singing of the Exultet, something that he won’t need to worry about for a good few years and when he does, no doubt the words will be  those of the new translation.

I am also restless because the baby is going to be born on Holy Thursday. Whilst on Passion Sunday we were urged to bring all of our families to all of the celebration of the Triduum, this is not going to be possible. For the first time in years, I will be unable to participate at all in any of the services, it is likely that I’ll spend the entire weekend in hospital, unless of course they see fit to throw me out 24 hours post-section on Good Friday. Given that I found recovery very difficult following the birth of my second daughter and given that it is a Bank Holiday weekend, I am envisaging that due to staff holidays that it might well be a longer stay, but we shall see. In any event, my attendance either at the vigil or the Sunday morning service is not guaranteed and my priest kindly informed me yesterday that a dispensation was unnecessary.

Last year, I attended the Easter vigil at our local parish Church alone, with just the then 4 month old baby in her car seat. Robin had already begun his journey into the Catholic Church, we knew full well that this would be our last Easter apart, we had no idea where we would be this year, our priest joked with me that perhaps Robin would be received at this year’s vigil, but little did I think that a year on, I would be about to deliver our third child. I was simply looking forward to finally enjoying a quiet, reflective Holy Week, where we could fully participate together, but it’s not to be this year, obviously Robin is planning on attending as many services as he can, hoping to be able to participate in the watch on Thursday night, and the Good Friday solemnities, but with a seven year old and a 17 month old to look after, he’s going to have his hands full!

It’s a very peculiar feeling knowing the precise date you’re going to give birth.  It still feels rather surreal, I can’t quite believe it is finally happening. As I know that I will not be able to participate, or even receive communion, I’m finding it extremely difficult to focus. What isn’t helping is, that for a passionate pro-lifer, I ironically have an absolute phobia and terror of childbirth. If I could get out of it, if I could delegate, I would! Well, actually I wouldn’t,  in that one can unite one’s pain, fear and suffering to Christ, I can’t think of a better or more apt way to reflect the passion and resurrection, the giving up of oneself to usher in new life, than childbirth, but this is my Gethsemane moment. I am admittedly absolutely terrified.

Though not scared of death, I am scared of the moment of judgement. I have been to confession, I need to go again after getting rather angry and upset by the on-going on-line hate campaign, I am experiencing severe self-doubt in writing this, given some of the email I have received, particularly by the rather interestingly named commentator known as “Theresa’s mother” telling me that I am a “vile and hateful person, sick and twisted, being God’s friend won’t help you now, may he strike you down”. I am anticipating similar, the moment I hit the post button.  Actually I know the people who feel motivated to write these things are actually eaten away by their own hurt and anger and though I feel desperately sorry for them, it is still difficult to read, being designed to cause maximum hurt and being motivated by nothing other than spite. What I need to do is simply rise above it. There was an incredibly moving article written by Francis Philips in today’s Catholic Herald,reviewing the play that is shortly to open in Oxford, about the death of John Paul 2, coinciding with Divine Mercy Sunday. Since being introduced to Sr Faustina by the inspirational Sr Joseph Andrew, vocations director of the Dominican Sisters of Mary Mother of the Eucharist, in Ann Arbour, Michigan, who was an incredible source of comfort to me during a very difficult stage in my life, (please support these sisters in your prayers), St Faustina has had a particular significance. Sr Joseph Andrew was once kind enough to send me a special Divine Mercy Rosary containing a second degree relic of this incredible saint. Francis’ Philips words are very healing in that she suggests how wonderful it would be if we could all look upon our opponents with the eyes of Divine Mercy.

So spare a thought, not only for me on Thursday, but actually for all of those who are unable to fully participate in the Eucharist this Easter for many diverse reasons. Whilst we have so much to celebrate, including the reception into the church of the members of the Ordinariate of Our Lady of Walsingham, there is so much new life and resurrection, firstly we need to die with Christ and I know of a few people for whom Easter will be very poignant, either because they will be unable to be received for reasons of paperwork, or others I know who are still grappling with momentous decisions of conscience as to whether or not to join the the Ordinariate. May all of us who cannot participate in the Easter Eucharist still be able to make a meaningful spiritual communion.

I hope that death will not be a reality for me, but I am still scarred by memories of lying helplessly on the operating table, surgeons covered in blood, stating that they were finding it difficult to stop the bleed, my husband obliviously cuddling a purple screeching bundle, who I was desperate to hold and feed, whilst I lapsed in and out of consciousness, until they managed to sort out the problem. This  time, I know better than to bring in a CD containing what I thought to be very soothing music, namely Faure’s requiem. The procedure went on so long, that it moved onto Mozart’s requiem which was also on the disc, which whilst sublime, a crashing chorus of “Dies Irae” is not what one needs whilst in that situation.

No doubt in a week’s  time, with a new baby in my arms, I will feel very silly, but for now, I am scared, restless and of course excited. And in the meantime here is a prayer  to St Gerard for all expectant mothers:

O great Saint Gerard, beloved servant of Jesus Christ, perfect imitator of your meek and humble Savior, and devoted child of Mother of God, enkindle within my heart one spark of that heavenly fire of charity which glowed in your heart and made you an angel of love.

O glorious Saint Gerard, because when falsely accused of crime, you did bear, like your Divine Master, without murmur or complaint, the calumnies of wicked men, you have been raised up by God as the patron and protector of expectant mothers. Preserve me from danger and from the excessive pains accompanying childbirth, and shield the child which I now carry, that it may see the light of day and receive the purifying and life-giving waters of baptism through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Right of reply

I was alerted that the same poster who had called my daughter illegitimate, had copied my blog post about Kate Middleton’s confirmation, quoted it verbatim and used it to spark a discussion thread on the commercial parenting website Babyworld.

Though I am no longer engaging, it seems rather futile, I pointed out my displeasure. The problem with quoting me out of context or not providing a link was that it seemed to confuse some posters, who thought that perhaps Kate was being confirmed into the Catholic Church. The thread was titled, ” Is it fair to make Kate Middleton public property?” and copied my post word for word to justify the rhetorical question.

I am rather sore that my response has been removed. To recap, I left said forum because I was very upset that a thread regarding homosexuality degenerated into an attack on me, my Catholic faith and indeed my personal circumstances. I have yet to receive any sort of apology that this comment was misconceived or acknowledgement that certain comments could be considered offensive and perhaps deliberately provocative. I don’t expect one. The people who made these remarks have been very clear that they feel they were justified. In condemning divorce, my Church obviously makes it clear my daughter is illegitimate, it is not them who are saying it, but the Catechism allegedly…

I deserve the right of reply. So here is my response, which the moderators saw fit to remove. 

“Firstly, I have not made Kate Middleton public property, she was a public figure already. So quite why the OP needed to quote my blog word for word is unclear. Was she trying to have a sly dig? Why not be upfront about it. I am intrigued as to why someone, who seems to have personal difficulty with me, feels the need to read my blog, if her mind is made up as to the type of person she believes I am.
Secondly, the thread where my daughter was called illegitimate has been viewed by my local priest and a few others because I was genuinely very distressed and needed some pastoral advice. My conduct or motives have not been called into question, indeed it was felt that I was being deliberately baited or taunted, as again this thread has been viewed as a deliberate attempt at provocation. I have had someone keeping an eye on DDD for me for a while and I was advised not to look on here, because apparently, in the aftermath there was some deliberate provocation.

To call my daughter illegitimate and me a hypocrite for having an annulled marriage has been viewed as unkind, ignorant and irrelevant particularly in the context of the debate. Some of the accusations made about the Christian faith and Jesus as a whole have been seen as deliberately inflammatory and provocative. I defended my faith and indeed my knowledge of it vigorously as I am called to do.

There was much wilful misunderstanding and deliberate distortion and misinterpretation. A lot of fellow Christians were equally upset and offended on my behalf, at all times I remained polite and civil and yet I had a lot of absolute bile thrown my way.

I needed to vent frustration and I did just that. If you and BW would like I shall link to the entire thread, to put it all in context. I have been advised to do that by several people, however I consider the matter closed. Several people did not conduct themselves well, in the heat of the moment, perhaps I should not have blogged, but actually I felt the need to vent amongst those who have experienced similar and would understand. The level of abuse I received afterwards was unprecedented and uncalled for.

It is particularly telling that a moderator publicly told me I was insane, I should be ashamed and was unwelcome. I did nothing wrong, I quoted some highly offensive and publicly visible insults against me and my faith to explain why I was upset. They weren’t out of context either. Quite what my daughter has to do with the Catholic position on homosexuality is beyond me.

Westboro Baptist Church have been under immense scrutiny this month for some of their hateful actions which must be condemned. The burning of the Koran is seen as deliberately provocative, offensive and hate-filled. I think members who post what seem to be deliberately inflammatory statements such as calling me a hypocrite on the basis of a doctrine they don’t understand or even want to understand (by all means disagree but if you understood you wouldn’t call me a hypocrite nor tell me I had damaged my child in some way), members who use emotive phraseology such as “who the hell are you to tell me xyz”, tell me I am not a ‘normal’ Catholic, tell me that they have a deep-rooted faith and I don’t, and who trawl through a text they haven’t studied, in an attempt to prove how hateful and awful it is and reinforce and spread prejudice about THEIR view of Catholicism, can expect some verbal criticism.

Though I would never wish to deny anyone their right of free speech, I am glad we live in a society where you can say these things and insult me all you like, it needs to be acknowledged that I have the same freedom to criticise those posters and their words. It’s a 2-way street. It’s funny, the burning of the Koran has been justly condemned for being provocative, I was provoked in an identical fashion, what was said to me was every bit as insulting and what did I do, vent a bit of verbal spleen at what I perceived was ignorant attitudes and all of a sudden I am the villain. For what? Saying these remarks have desperately upset me and I think those who made them rather silly? And yes, I think anyone who calls my daughter illegitimate or implies the Catholic Church does or attempts to imply that I have been hypocritical and not lived my faith by having an annulled marriage, despite my repeated attempts to explain, displays misunderstanding at the very least.

I suspect the main problem was that people did not like being called ignorant or my highlighting what had been said. I remind everyone that BW is a public site, you do not need to be a member to view threads. Had I linked to thread, there would have been a similar outcry.

I have no problem with Rosi linking to my blog or reading it if she chooses to. It just seems bizarre to have C&Ped my blogpost in this fashion. What was the point? To critique that I had talked about Kate Middleton? Well she’s a public figure and this issue IS of interest to Christians. Every year my husband led packed adult confirmation classes.

If the point was to talk about Kate being in the public eye, there are plenty more articles from far more prolific sources than me. Why not highlight one of the ubiquitous articles about her outfits, weight, appearance? If it was to talk about her confirmation then why not link to a news report?

If it was to link to a critique/discussion, in which I expressed surprise and disappointment re her apparent keeping of her faith a secret, then again there are other sources. It seems that she wanted to critique my attitude and attempt to get a thread going about those mean old Christians again. Or maybe she wanted to resurrect this whole debacle?

All I ask is that if you want to debate/discuss/critique/dissect my blog posts, you are honest about that. To many and certainly to the person who highlighted this to me, it just seemed like a piece of playground bullying and an attempt to drag me back.

I will shortly be posting a copyright notice on my blog, I am sure other bloggers or those who might write for a living (I don’t) would also share my concern at chunks of their blog being lifted and C&Ped verbatim, without a link/acknowledgement.

For those who might claim that I did just that to them, I would firstly apologise if they feel their privacy was breached, however BW is a public site. What I should have done is link to the entire thread. In terms of reaction, I would have had the same response, both from posters on here and from horrified Christians alike.

I apologise for the length of post and wish Christians a blessed Holy Week and everyone on Babyworld, regardless of faith, a Happy and Blessed Easter, whatever your plans might be.

Caroline “

The world’s favourite airline

The fresh round of strike action voted for by BA crew is probably going to attract little sympathy in these days of austerity. The general public has little appetite for strike action which may well have a direct impact upon their travelling plans and one which will cost a FTSE company millions in lost revenue. To the casual observer it may seem as though the crew are simply behaving like spoilt children, striking because they are in danger of losing their travel privileges.

I never worked for BA. I would have given my right arm to work for them during my flying days, I worked for their closest rivals, however BA are the only airline to stipulate that one’s uncorrected and corrected vision must be of a certain level, unlike other airlines who are happy to accept myopics who can reach an acceptable standard with the help of contact lenses. I therefore would have failed the medical and thus never bothered wasting my time applying. Had I worked for BA I would undoubtedly still be working for them now;  at the time I flew, their salary, contracts, terms and conditions were unbeatable, the gold-standard for the industry.

Having seen the way BA treated their staff, compared to the staff at lesser airlines I never had any sympathy for the inevitable complaints that I inevitably encountered. BA didn’t indulge in any of the shady rostering practices that went on at one particular charter outfit I had the misfortune to work for, indeed when I switched from flying for a charter outfit to a highly respectable scheduled carrier out of Heathrow, I didn’t have an awful lot of time for many of the complaints of my fellow crew either. They had absolutely no idea what it was like to work for a less scrupulous airline. Those of us who had previous flying experience under our belts, bit our lips and kept quiet, grateful for having infinitely superior terms and conditions to what we had previously encountered.

For example, I worked for one airline for a considerable period of time without the security of a permanent contract. I was employed for season after season on a renewable temporary contract. This meant that any time taken off sick was unpaid. When working at 36,000 feet in an enclosed environment and close contact with hundreds of people, you were exposed to considerably more contagion. Most people who contract a stinking cold will soldier on into work regardless. Illness and ailments are magnified when working at altitude with reduced oxygen and no recourse to fresh air. Time and time again we were warned not to work if we had a rotten cold or flu. Not only was it off-putting to passengers in terms of food-handling and general appearance, but more importantly, flying whilst suffering from blocked sinuses often results in a perforated eardrum, requiring several weeks off flying duties. Given that a day’s pay was deducted for sickness, a bullying return-to-work style interview, staff often risked their health and those of others in order to ensure that at the end of the season their contract would be renewed. I was on a flight which developed a problem, needed to return to base and ended up in a highly unusual emergency evacuation due to a suspected fire in the undercarriage. My colleague dislocated his shoulder whilst busting open one of the exits which had jammed. He needed to take a few weeks off active flying, this sickness went unpaid.

Absolutely none of this went on at BA, in short they treated their staff properly, how they ought to be treated, the staff were paid exceedingly well and didn’t have to endure any of the exhausting rostering patterns that went on elsewhere. I’ll never forget almost lobbing a cup of tea at the moaning BA steward on a Manchester flight once, when he complained about his “3 sector day shocker” involving three half-hour flights between Gatwick, Manchester and Paris. At the time, I was deadheading back to Gatwick following a 10 hour flight from Mexico which had been delayed for 3 hours due to technical problems, when we got back to Gatwick we still had all the flight paperwork and de-briefing to complete, I then had to drive home (having been up for 36 hours) and check in the next morning for a quick Luxor and back.

On another occasion, a colleague of mine went into the office to ask for a compassionate request, that she wasn’t rostered any work for Easter Sunday. Her mother, a devout Christian had died, and they were having her ashes interred after the Easter Sunday service. The response “Can’t you do it another time, Easter is one of our busiest periods?!”. By contrast another friend of mine was fortunate enough to get a job with BA. Her father died during her initial training period. What did BA do? They instantly arranged a car to drive her across the country to see her family, gave her a month off on full-pay and put whatever assistance they could at her disposal, telling her not to worry about work until she felt able.

In short, BA treated their crew with respect and set the mould for any decent respectable employer. Then came the advent of lo-cost airlines. I always felt desperately sorry for BA and other scheduled carriers in this respect. I remember looking at Easyjet’s battered old 727s in 1995 and scoffing along with others, that these airlines would never last, passengers liked their frills! In some respect we were right, airlines like Virgin Express, Debon Air,  and even the UK’s third most popular airline, Air UK, succumbed to market pressure. The problem is that Heathrow does not lend itself to the low-cost operating model, both in terms of landing fees and the short turnaround times which are simply not possible in an airport of Heathrow’s scale. Scheduled carriers did their best to cut corners where they could, gone were the days of the hot meals and complimentary drinks, but simply in terms of operating costs, scheduled short-haul carriers were at a massive disadvantage.

It became clear that something had to give and clearly the days of the BA crew earning more than a qualified accountant or lawyer were numbered. For those who think I am exaggerating, a Purser on a BA flight would be earning in the region of £50K in the old days. Those on the old contracts were given massive incentives to leave or retire early and newer contracts on considerably less money were introduced, much to the horror of BASSA. To the observer, this seemed reasonable and realistic, everyone I knew at BA earnt eye-watering amounts of cash for doing a far less arduous job than the one we were engaged in. It was a hangover from the days that BA was a state-owned carrier. I’m not advocating that crew should be on the minimum wage, indeed I cannot believe how little crew now earn compared to when I flew. I was lucky admittedly in that I worked for an airline who paid me an extra few thousand for each European language I spoke, which meant in turn that I was always rostered the lucrative routes and trips which bumped up my allowances. These days the starting salary is  around £14,000, one airline I worked for, I began at £7,000.

Cabin crew do a difficult job, it’s more than ensuring that the lipstick matched the colour of the hatband (yes, that was stipulated in the uniform regulations which formed part of the contract) for which no amount of training can prepare you. It’s not all cocktails round the pool in Barbados, particularly on short-haul. I was fortunate to have experienced both long-haul and short-haul flying, but neither option is as glamorous as the image of the girls in red on the 80s advert might suggest. (Incidentally that skirt did absolutely nothing for your hips and blondes look terrible in bright red jammy lipstick).

Some of the incidents that happened in my career such as an emergency evacuation and a cabin decompression you can be trained for, others required nerves of steel. Since having flown professionally and had a few hair-raising incidents, I’m now much more of a nervous flyer than ever I was. Apart from the scary occasions of bad weather, in my time I’ve had to cope with attempting to put out a fire in the rear toilets (banning smoking probably one of the most short-term dangerous measures ever), doing CPR in shifts for 40 minutes on an obviously deceased passenger in full view of his distressed children and grandchildren, attempting to restrain a passenger suffering from heroin withdrawal and without his methadone, who was trying to open a door in-flight and walking up the aisle on take-off, plane-loads of drunken teenagers who’d spent the entire day in the airport bar before catching their 11pm flight to Ibiza, medical emergencies and bizarre situations galore. It was fun, not the most intellectually challenging job admittedly, but it did require bucket loads of common sense, an ability to think quickly on your feet and at times, more front than Blackpool! Sometimes I think I ought to write a book, so over-flowing is my arsenal of anecdotes. In short I had a ball, I loved my flying career, but it was jolly hard work and I earned every penny.

What needs to be remembered is with that kind of schedule any sort of family life or life outside the world of flying is impossible or requires intricate planning at the very least. Which brings me on to the issue of the travel concessions and the heart of the strike action by BA crew.

I had no time or sympathy for the initial strike by the BA crew. Reducing crew from 15 down to 14 on a long-haul flight is a negligible and sensible change. It is still well in excess of the legal minimum crew required, either 1 crew member per 50 passengers or 1 per door/exit. The legal minimum crew on a 767 in charter configuration carrying 320 passengers is 8. We used to fly with 9 if we were lucky. By comparison a BA 767  has seats for 144 passengers in economy. Even if you count Business and First Class, that is still considerably fewer passengers than we used to carry with infinitely more staff. Our long-haul flights were busy, often you didn’t stop, for the entire duration of the flight, with service after service, but the same cannot be said of the crew on a BA flight. One less crew member means, in effect that either one crew member will need to serve a few more rows, or perhaps, god forbid, the Cabin Service Director, might, shock horror, have to get up and actually serve a passenger some coffee! That gripe is totally unfounded, and typical of the BA mentality, reinforced by BASSA. As for bringing the salaries of new members of crew more into line with other airlines and at a more realistic level, clearly this is problematic in terms of creating a two-tier effect, but like every other private company, BA needs to cut costs if it is to stand any chance of survival. The previous salary levels, whilst wonderful for those who enjoyed them, I had a friend who as BA crew earnt more than pilots for other airlines, were completely unsustainable and out of all proportion to the skills that were required for the job.

Friends of mine work for other departments in BA and feel very strongly that they have had to take a pay freeze and reductions in staff, therefore it is only fair that the crew take their share. A quick check tells me that crew flying long-haul on a 4 day Tokyo get £935 on top of their basic salary. A 4 day Cologne would earn me an extra £1.40 per hour on top of my basic salary. A 4 day North America at a different airline earnt me an extra £150. A whopping 21 day, Bahrain -Singapore-Sidney, involving bullet flights whilst stationed in Bahrain to places like Sri Lanka or the Maldives would earn me £900 (paid in travellers cheques). BA’s proposal is to replace their current system of expenses with a flat monthly allowance, in line with all other airlines, meaning that the plum trips which attract higher one-off payments, no longer exist. In other words, to make the system fairer, so that junior crew, who are often at the bottom of the list when it comes to rostering, are able to earn the same amount as the senior dinosaurs who have been there since the days of BOAC. Other airlines, incidentally, have a rostering system which mixes up junior and senior crew, length of service having no bearing on what you may be rostered.

With all that in mind, the crew went on strike as was their legal entitlement to do so. It does not surprise me one iota that BASSA method’s of balloting was unorthodox and thus BA were able to halt some of the strikes. BASSA always put me in mind of the “everybody out” steward from Carry on at your Convenience, though I found union membership invaluable during my time as crew, my union was at least able to carry out constructive dialogue with the company management and many acceptable compromises were reached. Both sides were understanding of the other’s position and though in terms of pay negotiations things did not always go the way we wished, other vitally important concessions were granted, with reviews being a regular factor in the process. The union were also instrumental in assisting crew with disciplinary procedures and helping crew to understand the complicated business of legal flying hours and obligations. In short, they were a good example of how a union should work, and I am continually horrified when I hear of other airlines who refuse to co-operate with them.

Where BA have put themselves in the wrong here is by withdrawing travel privileges and concessions from those who went on strike. Let’s be clear, although they are not contractual rights, there is certainly an argument that the context in which they are offered and the way they have been withdrawn could be a breach of employment contract guidelines. What bothers me about this, is the attitude of BA towards those participating in a perfectly legitimate strike. Having enjoyed travel perks myself, it needs to be stated that these consist of massively discounted flights. It is always made clear that they are a privilege and not a right, however the conditions under which the privilege may be withdrawn were always explicit, namely abuse of staff travel. Abuse would consist of fraud, such as attempting to get non-family members onto your named concessions (you are given a generous allowance of discounted friends’ tickets) or of inappropriate behaviour whilst using staff travel, such as giving check-in or crew a hard time if you didn’t get upgraded or indeed were bumped off a flight. There is a whole host of terms and conditions attached to staff travel, but not once is strike action mentioned.

This is what worries me. The travel perks are the very reason that many people go into flying in the first place and for BA crew on long-haul they rely on them in order to get into work, flying from a regional airport into LHR or LGW before a trip. You certainly don’t go into flying for the money alone. If crew have gone on strike with what they believe to be a legitimate claim, to withdraw travel perks arbitrarily for exercising a legal right is hugely concerning. It doesn’t matter that this consists of discounted travel, it’s the principle at stake. What next for companies? Is a company pension a contractual right, or simply a perk or privilege? In addition to which, I know the kind of tactics that BASSA and senior BA crew members use. I am not surprised that many felt too intimidated to go to work during the strike and thus went off sick. They are now also facing disciplinary measures, as opposed to compassion. I don’t know what I would have done if I were junior crew and it was known by various CSDs, who can be absolutely vicious in their behaviour, that I had crossed the picket lines. I’ve seen junior crew treated in an appalling fashion by those who were old enough to know better. Some of the bullying that goes on in the industry is a disgrace. I can well understand that younger members of crew were stuck between a rock and a hard place here, on the one hand not wishing to risk their careers with the company, on the other, not wanting to risk having a negative job performance review by one of the old dinosaurs. BA should at the very least, lift the threat of disciplinary action on those crew who were caught in the middle and it should not be assumed that they were not genuinely ill either. Their pay should be restored.

The threat of removing travel perks may have seemed a masterstroke to Willie Walsh, but it amounted to nothing more than bullying and may well backfire. In the grand scheme of things, some well-paid cabin crew losing their rights to cheap travel may seem small beer which will attract little public sympathy, but I think there’s an important principle at stake here, namely a company’s ability to re-write terms and conditions and arbitrarily remove clearly defined contractual benefits, in order to stamp out any worker dissent.

It’s no surprise that O’Leary is cheering from the sidelines, offering to support BA in whatever way he can. And for those considering re-booking their flights on Ryan Air – remember this is the airline which employs its staff via a holding company in India, in order to get around pension rights and privileges. The airline which compels staff to wear a uniform for which they must pay themselves, compels staff to be trained to a certain level, which they must pay for themselves and who will arbitrarily punish crew who are seen to promote union membership. O’Leary has gone on record as confidently  stating that Ryan Air would survive a total hull loss as well as warning against a crackdown on air security measures as they would be more costly.

BA crew may not be doing their company or their long-term job prospects many favours, but they should not be penalised for vocalising their discontent or taking legitimate strike action.  “This is a time for co-operation, not confrontation,” I suggest Willie Walsh re-instates travel privileges and removes the threat of disciplinary action, whilst remaining firm about the changes to staffing and allowance levels. To do anything else, given that the original dispute seems to have been settled is punitive, authoritative and confrontational. It’s give and take Willie. The crew have conceded on several issues. Now its your turn to be magmanimous in victory.

And just to lighten the mood, here’s a silly photo. Takes me back a bit…

Just war?

It seems timely to recap the principles of a just war laid out by the Catholic Church, based upon the teachings of Ss Augustine and Thomas Aquinas.

Paragraph 2309 of the Catechism states the following:

The strict conditions for legitimate defense by military force require rigorous consideration. The gravity of such a decision makes it subject to rigorous conditions of moral legitimacy. At one and the same time:

  • the damage inflicted by the aggressor on the nation or community of nations must be lasting, grave, and certain;
  • all other means of putting an end to it must have been shown to be impractical or ineffective;
  • there must be serious prospects of success;
  • the use of arms must not produce evils and disorders graver than the evil to be eliminated. The power of modern means of destruction weighs very heavily in evaluating this condition.

These are the traditional elements enumerated in what is called the “just war” doctrine. The evaluation of these conditions for moral legitimacy belongs to the prudential judgment of those who have responsibility for the common good.

First of all it is worth noting the opening sentence, which mentions the strict conditions and gravity of the decision to go to war. Before the decision can be taken, rigorous consideration must be given to all of the conditions. It is not sufficient for simply one or two of them to be met. They must all be met “At one and the same time”.

Is this the case in Libya? Let’s look at the conditions in more detail:

Condition One.

the damage inflicted by the aggressor on the nation or community of nations must be lasting, grave, and certain;

There must be an aggressor who is harming the nation or the community of nations. OK check. Gaddafi certainly fits that criteria, although the same could be applied to other aggressors throughout the world, such as Robert Mugabe who is certainly doing his bit to inflict lasting, grave and certain damage on the population of Zimbabwe and the surrounding region.

This sentence also makes clear that one cannot go to war simply to expand one’s sphere of influence, conquer new territory, subjugate peoples, or obtain wealth. One only can go to war to counter aggression.

If this military action is successful it will give the West more control over the oil fields of Libya, not to mention boost David Cameron’s personal ratings, however, for the moment let’s leave aside personal cynicism and state that Gaddafi does fit the image of aggressor.

Next, the damage inflicted by the aggressor must be “lasting, grave, and certain”, the aggression must not be temporary or mild, it must be foreseen to have effects that are both lasting and grave. I don’t think anyone is arguing against this point.

It is worth noting that it is not necessary for the aggressor to strike first. A moral certainty that the aggression will occur is sufficient. An example might be where a party with a history of aggression began amassing troops of munitions. Actually Gaddafi did strike first with the indiscriminate killing of those protesting against him, moving to full-scale war and military aggression against his own people. We live in a world where it is possible for an aggressor to strike at a distance, with little or no warning, and cause mass casualties, therefore it is important to identify a potential aggressor early and determine whether he poses a morally certain danger.

This condition can surely not be in any doubt.

Condition one – met.

Condition two

All other means of putting an end to it must have been shown to be impractical or ineffective.

The second condition establishes war as a last resort. If there are other practical and effective means of stopping the aggressor, they must be used. Alternatives include one-to-one diplomacy; international pressure; economic sanctions; and such tools as blockades, quarantines, covert actions, and small-scale raids that do not amount to a full-scale war effort. It is not necessary to employ all such methods before going to war. It is sufficient if rigorous consideration reveals them to be impractical or ineffective.

Altenatives would be shown to be impractical if rigorous consideration revealed that, even though they might work in theory, they were not practically possible. They would also be shown to be ineffective if they had little or no chance of stopping the aggression and preventing the damage that it will bring.

We could argue about whether or not the above measures have been given a chance to work until kingdom come. It seems fair to note that Gaddafi certainly doesn’t seem to have been paying any attention up until military action has been threatened, the wholesale slaughter of his people has gone ahead. He has been acting like a paranoid delusional maniac with nothing to lose, tonight’s threat to attack Mediterranean ports shows the kind of person we are dealing with, so I think on balance of evidence:

Condition two – met.

Condition three

serious prospects of success

Crystal ball anyone? A guarantee is impossible, therefore all that is required for this condition is that there is a substantial possibility of success.

The combined military might of the United Nations is substantially greater than that of Libya. What constitutes success however? Are we creating a similar situation in Libya to that which we have created in Iraq? Are we further destabilising the region? If all we are doing is taking out military targets and eliminating a dictator’s capacity to kill significant numbers of innocent citizens then in these terms:

Condition three: met

Condition four

The use of arms must not produce evils and disorders graver than the evil to be eliminated. The power of modern means of destruction weighs very heavily in evaluating this condition.

We must take into account the damage that is done by the war. Again, damage is a subjective notion, including not only military and civilian casualties, but other evils such as destabilizing neighbouring countries, altering international alliances in a manner that causes harm and creating economic burdens.

It is incumbent on those making the decision to go to war to attempt to the best of their ability to foresee both what damage will result if the war is conducted and what damage will result if it is not. The former must not clearly outweigh the latter.

Condition Four – uncertain.

However, “The evaluation of these conditions for moral legitimacy belongs to the prudential judgment of those who have responsibility for the common good.”, i.e. the burden lies solely upon the government to decide whether or not this action is just, or in this instance, the United Nations. Though we have elected our government and therefore have allegedly put our trust in our political leaders, guiding their voices through political debate (in an ideal world), we the general public, do not bear the ultimate responsibility for the decision to go to war.

Pilate-like though it sounds, the decision has been out of our hands. All we can do is watch and pray.

I can’t help but think if only we hadn’t gone into Iraq and Afghanistan then this decision would be so much more clear-cut. Tony Blair has much to answer for.

Blogging dilemma

I know there are many of you out there. I am a relative newcomer on the scene. I started this blog, as many do, in order that I might have an outlet, and also to share links, news, ideas, anything really. It didn’t start off with the intention of being a “Catholic blog”. In many respects it isn’t, although having read many different blogs, I feel like I need to tart mine up a bit, shove in some Catholic widgets and links, fluttering Vatican flags, various novenas and the like. Make it look a little more authentic. Perhaps overhaul the design. One thing at a time however.

Initially I had the comment function set so that comments were automatically approved. When things started getting sticky and I began to receive unpleasant and personal comments, regarding my family, I decided to institute a policy of moderation. Anything containing ad-hominem attacks was instantly deleted, not having much to add to the debate, although I have published a few of the less offensive ones, just to give balance.

I am resolved not to engage in online debate, certainly for the duration of Lent and maybe beyond. I don’t think its proving spiritually healthy. As I outlined in a previous post, it became apparent that my twitter feed was being stalked and copied and pasted elsewhere. I have blocked all the followers related to a parenting forum in order to ensure some privacy and peace and quiet.

I blog because it’s cathartic, it’s like a mind-dump for me, it helps me to focus and arrange my thoughts into some sort of cogent and coherent order. If something is annoying or vexing me then I write about it. Really I do it for my own pleasure and if it  delights, entertains and indeed inspires others, then that’s an added bonus. Sometimes if I am pondering a certain issue, I’ll go off and do a spot of reading or online research to ensure that any theological pedants out there are satisfied. So it’s a useful distraction and source of therapy for me, like it is for many out there on the blogosphere.

Many specialised websites, such as parenting ones, provide user areas whereby users may post their pregnancy or child diaries which I suspect are written with similar motivations. Lots of people, friends, family, former parishioners say to me that they really enjoy reading it, even if they may disagree with the substance of what I have to say. I’m always self-conscious in the presence of people I know who read my blog, I think they expect that I’m going to be some sort of strident lunatic, whereas in reality I’m actually quite placid and often achingly self-conscious. I do try not to take myself too seriously, although when I’m blogging about my faith, the language will inevitably take on a more earnest timbre. I’m married to a theologian who takes these things terribly seriously, heresy, even if inadvertent is no laughing matter!

It’s become clear to me and many have stated, that on the whole, internet forums can be pretty bad news, particularly when you are Catholic. It seems to me at the moment, that my relaxing hobby is being hijacked. I don’t want to debate with people, I just want to write whatever takes my fancy. If people want to add interesting and constructive comments, or just want to let me know that they have appreciated or enjoyed what I’ve said, then I enjoy feedback. I also enjoy negative feedback or points of disagreement, so long as it is constructive.

But at the moment, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. For some absolutely inexplicable reason, there is a core of people out there who seem absolutely determined to waste their time and mine writing reams of attacks. These are now going straight into the spam filter.

Shall I switch the comment function off entirely perhaps? Where people have taken the time and trouble to write a thoughtful response, it seems only fair to publish. However when the nice comments are published, a stream of emails comes accusing me of having written them myself and of having invented sock puppets. Apparently Betsey Bareback, Berenike, Londiniensis, Sanabituranima and Tim Pipe are all figments of my “twisted imagination”. I need to get a grip and get a life and some psychiatric help.

Today I attempted to email a few of the commenters, offering my phone number in order to discuss this like civilised adults, rather than be so public, one of the accusations I faced was that I insisted on making all this public, this was all my own fault and that I am guilty of internet attention seeking. So my remedy was to take this more private and discuss this like calm adults. I tried to email two people who had commented with my phone number, however both emails bounced back, either the addresses given were false or alternatively they had blocked my address.

Any time I appeal to the voice of reason, to say look, I’m not open to debate at this time, I want to quietly get on with my life, I want the freedom to be able to air my views in the public arena, the comments start screaming that I am playing the victim. Any appeal to decency, i.e. please don’t call my child “illegitimate” and that did rankle hugely, have a go at me if you feel you must, but don’t start attacking my children, any appeal to people’s better natures, simply solicits the response “oh you are so good at manipulation and making yourself out to be so saintly, you haven’t published my response which tells the world quite what an unwholesome and evil person you are, that’s because you are scared of what I have to say”. No I am not scared, but if you’ve made a point which I have answered, then there is no need to constantly labour it, again and again.

I don’t need to be repeatedly told that I am insane and live a desperate life. I don’t want to be scared of blogging because every post generates non-stop email traffic.

Perhaps I need some technical help here. Can I change my email address that is allocated to wordpress so that my usual email is not bombarded with this nonsense? So that people can comment away and I don’t have to see their comments, perhaps checking them once every few days. I set up this site using my regular email address, which friends, family and business correspondence comes through, is there any way I may change that without deleting the entire blog.

I am 34 weeks pregnant, I have more than enough on my plate at the moment, as many of us do, 2011 has not been an easy year so far and so I am politely asking that people simply leave me alone to blog in peace. If you don’t like me, then please, I implore you, just stop reading my output and leave me and my “adoring minions” in peace. Although which is it? Adoring minions who are not doing me any mental favours or figments of my imagination. Every single comment I receive whether positive or negative causes a publishing dilemma. If I publish it, is it going to inflame the situation further, if I ignore it is the poster going to get even more indignant at not being heard and keep flaming. Really I don’t know what to do?

This is not “internet attention seeking” but my hobby. I have a right to freedom of expression like anyone else. Any appeals that highlight the fact that I want to be left alone are met with derision and the fact that I have brought it on myself and that I need to “stop, just stop now” and that I need to take down my blog if I want any peace and quiet.

I’m a stubborn so and so. The more that I feel that I’m trying to be silenced, the more I am going to blog. Why should a bunch of women, who really don’t seem to have any purpose to their lives other than to gang up and collectively bitch and snipe in a pack mentality, stop me from what is usually an essentially enjoyable hobby?

What is the answer, apart from stopping blogging? Should I move to a different site and re-name the blog? Should I simply disable the comment functions? One particular commenter said “nobody ever reads your  rubbish blog except when somebody links to it, so we can all laugh at you”.

The stats tell a different story. Since starting this blog last April, I am approaching 1oo,000 hits. I have no idea if that is good, bad or average. My busiest posts have been the one on Peter Stamford and my pro-life witness posts. On the busy weeks I get 3,000 hits. So clearly some people are reading, even if they don’t like what they see. Perhaps that is what is causing the upset, people don’t like to be thought of badly by others, or feel they are being presented unfairly. I have named no names and there is nothing to identify anyone. I vented some fury at some ridiculous theological assertions and the backlash from those who made those statements has been absolutely unbelievable.

I think this might be the last post that I leave open to comments, although I can’t work out how to disable comments on WordPress, weak and feeble individual that I am. What’s the answer, close comments, change email or migrate site and keep its identity beyond the reach of the outraged “liberal”? If I migrate sites, can I still keep the content?

All sensible suggestions welcome. What I want to do is keep out the trolls, maintain a public blog, open for comments but get rid of those who wish to make the blogosphere unpleasant for all.

 

Flamers: my Ash Wednesday penance

Just a recap. Until recently I was a member of UK baby/parenting website. I still am. I contributed to a thread vis a vis homosexuality could a book really “cure” sexual orientation. Thread degenerated into a you are Catholic, therefore you are a homophobe, not all Catholics are homophobes most are perfectly normal nice accepting people, but because you agree with the Catechism you are an extremist fundamentalist just like your Church. If you had any sanity or normality about you then you wouldn’t agree with this evil doctrine.

Along the way there was some genuine philosophical debate and enquiry, but there was also a lot of wilful misunderstanding. I was irritated and blogged about it. Enormous backlash about breaching people’s copyright, trust, taking comments out of context and so on and so forth.

Now hypothetically if one were to type in certain words to Google, one could see the whole thread in its entirety. One doesn’t have to be a member of the site to view the entire thread. You only needs to be a member if you wish to contribute.

Say a pregnant woman, was looking for an interesting parenting forum to join she might well stumble across said site. She might see this thread perfectly legitimately whilst browsing the site to see if she wanted to join. She might think “gracious me, what a bunch of unpleasantness, that’s not for me” particularly if she was of a Catholic or Christian disposition. She might think “I don’t want to engage in this community” and decide not to join. She might and could easily C&P the thread to other Catholics in her community to warn them of what was going on. She could equally C&P extracts onto her blog, just to highlight the type of debate that was occurring. She wouldn’t have broken any copyright laws whatsoever. It’s called Fair Use. Alternatively she could join the site and engage in the debate, and link to her blog if she chose.

I had an email today from a lovely well-wisher advising me to block absolutely everyone associated with this site from Twitter. What had been happening was that these same people who have expressed such outrage at my appalling behaviour had, whilst under the auspices of friendship, been trolling and scanning my twitter feed, looking for alleged abuses and things that they could take offence at and use against me. These people who are just so very cross that I have published their comments, anonymously, have been C&Ping my tweets, posting them on a debate forum for everyone to gasp over. I sense more than a spot of hypocrisy going on here. “Look, she’s said this, look she’s said that”, having had a public fit of the vapours at a few anonymously attributed comments. Having had their fun spoilt they are now calling my well-wisher various hateful names, although they have no idea who it might be.

Yesterday I had a laugh with a follower about my voluptuous pregnancy breasts. All very open and honest, nothing untoward or out of hand, my husband told me that I ought to tell him about the Church of Santa Maria Formosa in Venice which we visited. (Think along the lines of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies from ‘Allo ‘Allo). Following the advice of Patrick Madrid, myself and my husband are open and transparent in our use of social media. We can access each others accounts and we know each others passwords. If someone has a cheeky flirt with one or the other of us, we are quite open about it. Not because we are swingers before any silly people jump to conclusions but because it is better to be honest and open.

My remark about my big bosoms and how perhaps all the enmity stemmed from envy, which was entirely light-hearted, was picked up on by someone who doesn’t even follow me and re-tweeted with the remarks “:-o) this was said by a Catholic”. *gasps and clutches pearls*. I don’t hold myself up as a paragon of virtue, indeed my bio says I’m prone to a bit of bawdiness and Catholics are not expected to behave like Puritans, ostentatiously  outwardly manisfesting signs of their inner holiness. Not that there’s anything wrong with people who are able to be shining examples of goodness, they are often inspirational and all of us need to aspire to sainthood, but a lot of saints did indeed have character flaws. There is not a saint or Bible character who was portrayed as perfect. Let’s look at an easily recognisable Bible figure – David. He was called “a man after God’s own heart”. He was a liar, adulterer and murderer. That doesn’t mean that God delighted in his sin. He repented and submitted to God.

A bit of light-hearted banter is not indicative of some grave moral distortion. I don’t even need to defend myself on this point, however it gives some idea of the type of genuine stalking I have faced. Equally on hearing about how my child had been drawn into this, an affronted follower offered to set the offender’s house on fire. Ever heard of Paul J Chambers and the twitterjoke trial? I was told that I had been inciting hatred on Twitter. I cannot be responsible for what other people say, and I did not give him the name or address of said person or indeed suggest that he should have carried out his plans. I have, as I am entitled to, vented a bit of spleen as frankly, when I have given up debating with those who have no interest in what I have to say, it is more than a little vexing when these same people want to drag the argument on and on and on to my blog. My email is pinging non-stop, the blog comments are streaming thick and fast and here’s the thing people, I don’t want to talk to you. Go away and get over it.

I am not publishing several comments because I disagree with their contents, they serve no purpose other to make ad hominem attacks and I don’t have the energy or inclination to reply. I am not going to publish a comment which is substantially incorrect in its assertion about me, unless I can be bothered to respond. I don’t want to respond, so I’m not publishing. Simple.

Someone else trawled my feed in the small hours of the morning to discover that I had been having a conversation with a pro-life activist. Many of the people incessantly bugging my comment box and indeed who have disagreed passionately with me on topics of life-issues have become really quite heated and personal at times due to issues of their own. I mentioned this to a pro-life activist, naming no names, just stating the facts.

I have now protected all my tweets and blocked every single person associated from said forum. Still the vitriol comes pouring in. Why have I done this, what am I trying to hide? Nothing, but given that my twitter feed is being watched like a hawk, with people waiting to pounce on every single word to twist it for their own purposes, then I have a right to decide who I want to have open discourse with.

So now the fun has been spoilt and people can no longer see my tweets, I’m getting emails about my lack of integrity, unlike they, who have been copying and pasting my tweets onto a private forum. The wonderful kind person, who has acted with integrity and generosity to warn me about this to tell me that I need to delete absolutely everyone and she is sickened and appalled by what is happening, has also informed me that they are scanning my feed to see whether or not I am going to take my children to a pro-life prayer vigil. Because shock, horror that would just be such a dreadful thing to do wouldn’t it? To silently and powerfully pray outside an abortion clinic, for the women inside and their unborn children. And goodness wouldn’t it just be so sick and manipulative if a pregnant woman might see a heavily pregnant woman, together with her extremely beautiful young toddler and have second thoughts. That would indeed be an outrage. And what if someone came to engage with me, what if I told them about my experiences of having two unplanned and physically difficult pregnancies and gave them hope for the future. Wouldn’t that be shocking beyond the bounds of imagination?

But it’s Lent, I have no time or inclination for this. I have other more pressing demands on my time. I had to disable my email earlier, I was waiting in hospital with my six year old, who is currently going through some difficult tests to ascertain the nature of a neurological condition which is affecting her quality of life. She needed all my attention and reassurance. What I didn’t need was the constant pinging of my phone and email, with people still desperate to have a pop, desperate to have their say, desperate to go on the attack because they don’t like the fact that they have been silenced.

I’ve also had people who have commented, who have absolutely laboured the point on and on and on, again and again and again, and I thought “I’ve had enough, go away”. Incensed at not having their comments published, they’ve then furiously demanded again and again that I remove the comments that they have already posted, because it casts them in what they believe to be a bad light.

I’ve had a hysterical comment calling me an extremist and telling me that I used to be lovely and moderate. No, I have not changed, I have not become more extreme, I have always held a deep faith and conviction, but what people can’t recognise or reconcile in their heads how a seemingly friendly, intelligent and rational person can defend all this “misogynist, homophobic, narrow-minded” nonsense and still perhaps be a nice person. The answer must be either a) she’s not nice and let’s find evidence to prove it, b) she’s a hypocrite, c) she’s mentally ill and needs pity and/or help, don’t encourage her folks you’re not being kind or d) she’s brainwashed. They have little boxes reserved for religious people in their heads which I don’t fit and they can’t deal with it. So the answer is to go on the attack.

I don’t get the anger. I’ve done NOTHING wrong. I’ve defamed no-one, I’ve slandered no-one and incited no violence or hatred anywhere. I trust that regular twitter followers will verify that. What I have done is drawn attention to some of the sheer hatred and vitriol coming my way because I dare to say what I think and I dare to have these so-called hateful views. I am not a “right-thinking” person.

I think it is obvious who is narrow minded and it isn’t me. Someone has commented that if I go on a prayer vigil I can expect “consequences”. Someone else has misunderstood “sackcloth and ashes” in a reference to Ash Wednesday and taken that as some sort of admission that I haven’t really received a whole heap of abuse. I am accused of “playing the victim”. When I am bullied, trolled and stalked online and I publicly highlight it,  I am either lying, playing the victim or some attempt is made to justify this behaviour on the grounds of my shortcomings.

I’m not playing with you. Go away. You may comment all you like, but you’re wasting your time. One of my Lent promises is not to waste my time with internet “debate”.  I have given up a forum, so don’t try dragging your dislike of me to my blog. You don’t like me, that’s fine, you don’t have to. But you don’t need to keep emailing and commenting to tell me that. I get the point.  Don’t waste your time reading my blog. Surely people must have more constructive things to do? The scariest factor is that at least two of the protagonists are school teachers, indeed a previous blog troll who was inventing fake personas and impersonating someone else, is a school-teacher. The person who made the initial accusation that my daughter was illegitimate is a teacher. I am clearly not tarring all teachers with the same brush. But it fascinates and horrifies me in equal measure that teachers, who are supposed to defend vulnerable pupils against all forms of bullying, are engaging in an on-line campaign of their very own.

When I was in the hospital earlier, I noticed several people glancing at me strangely. At first I thought they were admiring my daughter in her distinctive school uniform, then wondered if it was the toddler, who is looking exceptionally fetching at the moment, with her hair in little bunches like Minnie the Minx or Beryl the Peril. After a while I realised it was me they were looking at, I still had the ashes on my forehead from earlier. I haven’t washed them off yet; they are a mark of who I am and I am proud to proclaim that. No matter how peculiar, embarrassing or dissonant it might seem to many.

Your mother was a hamster etc

Last night I was tired and fractious. I had spotted a very unpleasant ad hominem involving myself and my daughter. I blog because it’s my therapy, I like to let off steam and if others are entertained or interested by it, that’s an added benefit.

I was extremely hacked off about what appeared to me to be a relentless stream of anti-Catholic rhetoric. Same old “homophobia”, describing the NT as fables, telling me that I had no idea as to Christ’s sexuality yadda yadda.

So I blogged about it, I vented in order to share a touch of frustration, with others who I thought would share my exasperation.

No-one was named, no aspersions were cast on any individual characters, the site, which is publicly accessible by a google search was not named, I simply copied some of the comments that had got to me. I checked the T&Cs of the site and no such prohibitions were listed.

Cue a slew of outrage. How dare you use these comments which were to be used on a specific website (one which has major corporate sponsors) out of context and without asking permission of those who wrote them. The T&Cs and privacy policy is explicitly clear. Users are warned about submitting personal details and photographs and that if photographs are reproduced elsewhere, the site will do its best to ensure these are taken down, but that it couldn’t guarantee that this would happen. Users are also warned that the site cannot be held liable for any libel or defamation suits that might occur as a result of what is said.

Now, had I said “look Joe Bloggs of 13 Acacia Avenue is a right old so and so, look what he said, I can’t believe it”, now I can understand why folk might get upset. Had I used the comments to attack individuals then I can see people would object. However I did none of these things. I didn’t use the comments to identify anybody individually, I didn’t use them to hold individuals up to ridicule or attack their personal character or professional judgement, I simply highlighted the comments as they were and said “sheesh, take a look at this lot, it’s no wonder I have the ache”.

Had I linked to said thread, complete with user names and photos of people and their children, then yes I can see why people would have been irritated, although not in breach of the site’s T&Cs. I have not even named the site itself.

There are  comments that I have not approved, whereby the site and individuals are named. I have not approved them, precisely to keep within the T&Cs of the site and to preserve anonymity. I have defamed no-one.

I have someone quoting the Digital Management Copyright Act at me in a comment and asking all affected to contact him in order that he can assist in filing a DMCA notice to wordpress. He also mentions the site itself and says if someone from their legal department wishes to contact him to get in touch, they may do so and instructing me to remove infringing content immediately.

Interestingly no-one from the site itself has contacted me to tell me that I am in breach of any of their T&Cs, because I have not actually breached any of their guidelines or policies.

Other people are threatening to publicly libel and defame me simply because I have taken some comments that they made about me, including a desperately hurtful one about my daughter and her “illegitimacy” and made them public.

I am not unhinged, I was annoyed and having a rant to an audience who would be sympathetic to some of my frustration and hurt. It seems that the vitriol here is a little misplaced. There are those who are irritated that I took their comments from a parenting debate forum and posted them here which they didn’t expect. Alright I understand that, but admittedly no-one was named and shamed. Then there are those who simply wish to go on a personal attack and are threatening to make even more personal allegations about me and my family for no other reason than just to show that we are not perfect. Here’s the rub, we don’t claim to be. You show me one person who is without fault, without sin, without stain and I shall fall down on my knees and pray. In the public square, there is room for debate about what are the right, ideal ways to live, what is best for individuals and society as a whole, what are the principles we try to live our lives by and why these are. Very often we fall short. All anyone can do is try their best, but no-one in my family, not me, my husband, my children, our siblings, our parents, none of us claim to be perfect, without fault or flaw, all we do, is try to live our lives in the way we think best and explain why when challenged on issues such as NFP.

I can’t quite see what the point in that would be, other than to cause enormous personal hurt and distress to a family with 2 young children and a baby on the way, just to be spiteful.

I reiterate. I was upset, I vented my spleen, job done. I didn’t link to the site which had names and photos, I published a series of personal comments and ad hominem attacks which understandably enough had hurt me. I used my space to exercise my right of reply.

I suspect the anger is not only that people did not expect their comments to be published on here, but also that I wrote this post and showed up some of the comments for what they are. Why is it alright for people to say these things to me in the context of a publicly available website, with commercial sponsors which may be found on google, but I am not allowed to anonymously reference them on my personal blogsite. Should I have linked to the thread in its entirety complete with identifiable user-names and photos? Or should I have emailed various people anonymously and said “coo, look at her, what a nasty piece of work she is”. That would have been infinitely more underhand.

I think the answer given by those frothing at the mouth is that I should not have written said post. Probably not. It probably should have been one of my private crosses. I am not perfect and I don’t claim to be. But I haven’t gone out of my way to cause personal hurt and anguish to anyone. To the one person whose comment I misinterpreted, I apologise profusely, I have explained how easy it was for that to be misunderstood, coming as it did in the middle of a tirade about the perils of the Catechism.

When you accuse somebody of selfishly making their child illegitimate in order to save moral face, when you accuse them of being an extremist and make all kinds of outrageous allegations about their God and Saviour, without being even being prepared to listen to any counter-argument, then it incurs my wrath. I am not a saint, I never claim to be one, but if you don’t like seeing your words which you posted on a commercial website with thousands of visitors, held up to scrutiny on a much smaller scale and indeed anonymously, then perhaps you ought to choose them more carefully.

I have defamed and slandered no-one. That needs to be remembered.

I think we all need to calm down and move on.

Two thousand years of darkness

Apologies for the lack of recent output, I’ve been suffering from the all-too common bloggers’ block. Plus I’m a little on the tetchy side. I’m allowed to be. I’m 33 weeks pregnant, enormous,  sick, uncomfortable and consumed by lethargy.

For the last few days, I’ve been consumed by a rather ridiculous war of attrition on a baby forum. This has had something of a positive effect however, given that its helped me to form one of my Lenten resolutions. More of that shortly.

In the meantime, I’m going to link to this rather marvellous piece of advice, about how to behave when someone is wrong on the internet, courtesy of the National Catholic Register – h/t Peter Williams.  I have to confess to not always putting this into practice.

Forgive the self-indulgence, but I am going to post some choice nuggets, rather than link to the entire thread  in order to respect anonymity of posters, but I hope fellow ‘extremist’ Catholics and Christians might share both my amusement and frustration. The subject of the thread that caused such acrimony was a book that has been written which allegedly claims to “cure homosexuality”. My stance? Haven’t read the book, but generally I’m dubious as to whether or not these therapies may prove helpful. With that in mind, I have no issue with somebody who seeks to obtain psychological help or support in living a chaste lifestyle. So far so good. Problem arose when the inevitable “Catholic homophobia” was mentioned. I give you: (my words are in purple, I’ve allocated different colours to different contributers)

“God made man in his own image and I assume that meant his back end and his physical sexual urges too.”

“Being made in God’s image is not about our physical bodies, it is to do with a particular form of love, agape not eros and it’s about our capacity to reflect God’s love and his rationality. God is not a sexual being.” I don’t think you are in a position to honestly be able to say that actually! LOL!

“Natural law? Oh not this tripe again!?”

“Do you follow every aspect of the bible Caro? Letter for letter? Are there any parts you choose to ignore or interpret differently because it suits you? I don’t expect for one minute you have the guts to answer truthfully to this one but if there are parts you chose to ignore I would question why.”

You can’t even prove Jesus himself wasn’t gay/bi lets face it….

“How can you decide whether God is a sexual being? I mean who the hell are you to make a decision like that? He may be the essense of every orgasm for all you know.”

“Have you studied any theology or philosophy?” That’s irrelevent to what I am saying actually LOL!

“I don’t see why me having studied Patrology would be necessary. Its like reading a trashy paper…..it may be full of inaccuracies and ludicrous comparisions, contradictions and propaganda BUT that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have an ounce of truth within its pages.”

“I see the natural law argument as hiding behind religion. Using it as a get out for obvious homophobia.”

Would you say this to an orthodox Muslim or Jew? Would you imply this of the Prophet?  Is it alright because I’m Christian/Catholic and you think you know enough about it to pass comment. Would you dare to attempt to define the Torah to a Jew or the Koran to a Muslim and tell them they’ve got it all wrong? “How dare you not allow me to believe Jesus could have been bi-sexual or gay. Why is your interpretation of the bible any more valid than mine? Because you have a big shiny badge that says Catholic on it? What have Muslims or Jews got to do with this debate?  I hold something you don’t. A deep rooted belief system coupled with an open mind and that is worth more than a million blessings from the Vatican. Shame you won’t qualify how you know for sure Jesus was a breast man and not into men or a bit of both as I was genuinely interested.”

“Much of ‘Heat’ magazine is eye-witness.  Still doesn’t mean it’s true/correct.”

“I think thats the problem Caro. You place weight on the scriptures and I don’t. No I am not calling any religion (Jew, Muslim, Catholic) homophobic nor am I saying they are not. I am talking about YOUR views alone. I think thats pretty obvious too. I remain open to any possibility about God/Gods/Energies/Spirits/all matters spiritual. I can’t and never will say one set of beliefs is nonsense or start demanding people back up what they are saying because people devote their life to doing that and still don’t manage it so what hope has a busy mum of 3 got on an Internet forum? Besides I don’t think I can in the same way I don’t feel you have proved anything more to me by this debate. There is more to religion than scripture and following the herd.”

Cue lots of out of context C&Ping from the Catechism, in an attempt to prove how “homophobic”, terrible and generally out of date it all is. Culminating in the following personal attack, based on the teaching around divorce, that someone fished out. I actually missed this post at the time, which is probably just as well, not having the emotional energy to respond.

“So you sinned during your first marriage then? Not trying to get personal here but it is very difficult when you proudly proclaim you live by these values (and you have listed some pretty life enveloping ideals to conform to lets not pretend otherwise) and then have a marriage annulled rather than face a divorce so you can save moral face. The sad thing is in doing so you have also made your child illegitimate. I totally understand why you may choose to ignore this paragraph but you have to see that from where I am sitting I find it difficult not to question your moral integrity when you offer yourself open to exactly that.”

Then quotes from that great Doctor of the Church who was baptised Catholic, Lady Gaga. She proves that I am not like any other Catholic. How my views, which are simply that I endorse and agree with the Catechsim, are most certainly NOT mainstream Catholic. Lots of difficulty, understandably with the language used by the Catechism.

“Using the word “disorder” for homosexuality is profoundly offensive IMO – intolerance towards gay people is still homophobia however much it is dressed up in fancy words.”

“why not just say you are homophobic and don’t agree with homosexuality. It would be quicker and easier than using careful words and quoting the bible.”

“I have learnt something from this thread. I have had it confirmed to me that the Catholic Church is outdated, bigotted, unkind and elitist. It is in dire need of dragging into the modern day or it WILL be left behind and eventually die a death. I suppose all the Catholics I know must be non-extremists ones. Thank god (pardon the pun) is all I can say!”

“My children attend a Catholic school and it’s plain that the version of Catholicism practicised by most of the parents is very pragmatic (the average number of children per family is between 1 and 2 – say no more wink). The proportion of unmarried/ divorced/ remarried parents is also very high.

What’s also interesting is that extremism in religion is also strongly associated with hypocrisy among leaders, who frequently fail to practice what they preach.”

And in regards to people calling you an extremist, I didn’t say that but I expect their definition of extremist would mean someone who put religion before all other things in their life, folllowing it so closely as to affect their personal choices and decisions and restrict their daily life even if it goes against the what is right for the individual or normal and healthy in the society in which they live. It also would probably include preaching about it strongly to people and believing it is the only right way to live.

So you get the general drift. Taking into account the advice from the National Catholic Register, I realised that it was pretty much time to stop, the fate of the Church does not rest on my shoulders alone and I was indeed getting very shaky. Some of the stuff was pretty nasty and personal, and one of my rules is that I endeavour not to enter into personal attacks, although I am guilty of sarcasm at times.

The entire encounter was unnecessarily vile and unpleasant, simply C&Ping it onto here reignited some of the hurt. Of course when one mentions hurt, one is instantly accused of “delicate flower acts” etc, but generally I think people only resort to personal attacks when they have lost the debate. Why have I re-hashed? Well, firstly, because I think it’s important to demonstrate some of the virilent and wilful anti-Catholic prejudice and misunderstanding that circulates amongst those who might consider themselves liberal. Secondly, it might help to arm or prepare those who do attempt to engage in apologetics and thirdly just to explain why I was in such a terrible mood.

The main reason is that it has inspired a Lenten resolution which is not to engage in any internet forum debating whatsoever. So the anti-Catholics on that site can have free reign to engage in whatever sectarian bias takes their fancy. I will not bite. What the thread has done is to inspire some topics for future blog entries, addressing many of the varied issues that were raised. Instead of wasting my life attempting to reason with the unreasonable, subjecting myself to personal abuse and at times unbelievable ignorance and narrow-mindedness (ironic given it was me being accused of this very thing) I am going to embark on a Lenten reading programme, and will blog any thoughts or insights instead, along with various topics raised. I often get chided for the length of my posts, which are necessarily detailed and explicit, going back to basics,  however here, my gaff, my rules, I can indulge at will.

I am due to give birth on Good Friday, Holy Saturday, therefore appropriately enough for me, my Lent will end with an act of suffering and self-sacrifice together with a renewal of life. Given how increasingly busy life is inevitably going to get, my plan is to get as much spiritually out of the Lenten season as I can, take the time to read, reflect and above all pray, not waste my emotional energy upon those who do not want to hear. I also intend to play an active role in the 40 days for life campaign.

My only sadness really is that my apologetics perhaps were not adequate enough, being criticised both in terms of lexicon and length.

Still the whole encounter reminded me of  that great evil vicar sketch from Mitchell & Webb which like all great comedy is based on more than a glimmer of observational humour. Though I’ve never looked at anyone eating biscuits from the vestry and thought “you b*tch”, I cannot help but have just a little sympathy with the vicar himself. He does actually have a very good point. If only he were just a bit nicer. .

“Spiritual?  Aren’t you all entitled to your half-arsed musings on the divine. You’ve thought about eternity for 25 minutes and think you’ve come to some interesting conclusions? I stand with 2,000 years of darkness and bafflement and hunger behind me. I couldn’t give a hap’nney jizz for your internet-assembled philosophy”

When I found myself thinking these very thoughts, I knew it was time to walk away.







All in the best possible taste

I couldn’t resist ending the week on a humourous note and thus couldn’t resist the temptation to talk about Sally Bercow (Bare-cow), apologies for being a little behind the curve with this.

Whilst I will attempt to refrain from descending into cattiness, one thing struck me about this attempted PR stunt which badly backfired.

Can you imagine the reaction if, when my husband was still the serving Rector of a parish, I had posed seductively in the window of the Rectory, with the Church forming a picturesque background image, clad in nothing but a bedsheet? If I had gone on to talk about how the clanging of the bell for the Angelus served as a sexual stimulus, how the smell of the musty hassocks enlivened the erotic impulses and how many women found the idea of vicars just so sexy, that they were flocking to my husband to find out exactly what he might be wearing beneath his cassock? Imagine if the subsequent article had appeared on Page 3 of the Church Times or in the mainstream press in an attempt to prove quite what a sexy beast my husband is. I think a spot of episcopal tea and biscuits would definitely have been in the offing, along with a delightful parish in the Outer Hebrides.

A lot of people have commented how great Sally Bercow looked and how those who have objected are old fuddy duddies, wishing to use her to politically point-score against her husband. Well Sally, you really shouldn’t have given them the ammunition. Whilst being a priest is obviously not the dizzy heights as being of the Speaker of the House of Commons, the similarity is that both are symbolic positions. When a priest puts on his chasuble to conduct a service, the whole act is to emphasise the presence of Christ, not the individual. It used to be the case that priests were asked to take off jewellery and watches, in order that nothing of the individual may be discerned. A priest acts in persona Christi, and thus there is no room for personal vanity or affectation. The same principle can undoubtedly be applied to the Speaker of the House. In his position as speaker, John Bercow is allegedly a physical manifestation of democracy, he is the chief officer and highest authority of the House of Commons and must remain politically impartial at all times. The Speaker also represents the Commons to the monarch, the Lords and other authorities and chairs the House of Commons Commission.

What does it matter what the wives of such men do, given that they do not directly hold these positions? It seems to me that it’s about respecting the office itself and not bringing it into disrepute. I am sure I am by no means, not the only clergy wife to have been asked prurient questions about my private life. I was both mortified and highly amused to be asked by one of the ladies from the parish during my hen-night, (which took place after my wedding and turned out to be a ribald affair, far from my expectations) detailed questions about our wedding night. I managed to politely deflect the question without causing offence, but I could not believe that someone would have the temerity to ask such an intimate question, as well as that anyone might really be that interested! I remain circumspect about my intimate life, other than to make generalisations about how hormones can impact upon libido in common with other women, for two reasons: one, it’s absolutely no-one’s business but ours, call me old-fashioned but what goes on in a marriage bed is between husband and wife, to tell all would be like inviting a third-party in to view, and two, which is not quite so pertinent now, out of respect for my husband’s position and ministry, I need to keep my counsel on these matters.

The idea of the priest’s sexual activities could prove something of a distraction to those for whom he carries a huge responsibility and burden of care. If I were to divulge that, hypothetically, he liked to dress up as a gorilla, complete with comedy inflatable banana, to get him in the mood, do you really think that anyone would ever pay attention in a homily again? What about on those occasions where he had to give the sacrament of reconciliation (sadly increasingly rare in the Anglican Communion) or if someone needed to entrust him with a deeply personal confidence? His priestly authority could have certainly have been compromised.

I would argue the same is true of Sally Bercow. Her interview and photo-shoot sadly demeaned the office of Speaker, it seems it will be hard for him to be taken seriously again, how many House of Commons wags are going to be jibing “bong, bong, bong” and the like at him. Plus, if I’m honest, the image of him frantically bonking away to the chimes of Big Ben was more than enough to put me off my Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.

As to Mrs Bercow’s ludicrous assertions about how his position made him irresistible to other women, I would wager this has more to do with basic psychology; as most men who have been without a girlfriend for some time will testify, it’s often like famine or feast, as soon as they do find themselves a companion, suddenly it seems like the entire female population are throwing themselves at him. Reason being, that women are a canny bunch. As soon as a man has a mate, other women realise that he must actually have lots of desirable qualities, in order to have snagged himself a nice girl. There’s also the matter of forbidden fruit, contrary creatures that we are, we are always longing for the unobtainable, that which we can’t have. Of course politics may have played their part, in the same way, that a single young C of E priest must have seemed caring, dependable and reliable, but that’s only a small part of the story.

I don’t quite know what Sally was trying to achieve. If she was trying to prove how attractive and sexy she is, she managed to do that, although I can’t quite see why she felt the need and it’s probably why she attracted so many horrible misogynist and unkind comments on Guido Fawkes blog – undoubtedly many men felt threatened by her. Mind you if you are going to set yourself up as a sex object, then don’t be surprised when you are objectified, perhaps not in the way you’d expected. Was she attempting to boast about her sex life? It strikes me that is not the most efficient way of persuading people of your qualities, its more likely to attract jealousy, resentment or in my case, total bemusement. It seemed to me like the attention-seeking behaviour of an insecure teenager, proudly displaying her love bites. “Look everyone, I’m having SEX, look, sex, sex, sex, lovely, wonderful juicy, sexy sexy sex, rumpety pumpety, bumpy bumpy bump, oooh isn’t it good aren’t I empowered”. No dear, you’re just a married woman having sex with your husband, so what? I’m glad you enjoy it, I’m glad you have a nice time, that’s to be expected in a healthy and happy marriage, but it’s nothing extraordinary, believe me.

Bless her, what she was trying to do was up her public profile, but it wasn’t the most advisable idea, both in terms of her husband’s status and if she does want to be taken seriously as a political candidate, although it is almost definite that she will be either on the next episode of “I’m a Celebrity Get me out of Here” or “Loose Women”. I hear on the grapevine that there are many who are looking forward to seeing the poor woman being forced to munch on a kangaroo testicle.

All just a “storm in a bed sheet”, but I couldn’t help but splutter when she claimed that she had been “stitched up” on Twitter. What, someone had forced her to pose naked in a sheet and talk about her sex life? She had seriously been anticipating an article regarding her stance on economic policy. She was putting some figures to bed? It rather reminded me of the legendary Kenny Everett character “Cupid Stunt” whose every plot-line seemed to consist of a surprised “And suddenly ALL MY CLOTHES FALL OFF”!! Still it was all done “in the best possible taste”!!

Riddle me this

Why is it unacceptable for Peter and Hazelmary Bull to deny a double room to any couple on the grounds of their marital status, but perfectly acceptable for the clubs G.A.Y. and Heaven to refuse entry to women on the grounds that they “look too straight”?

The answer is that the Bull’s B&B will automatically fall foul of the Equality Act because they refuse to treat civil partnerships in the same way as marriage.

In many ways it is a shame that this case was brought to court, given that the couple were clearly in breach of the law and were doomed to failure from the outset, although it has brought the bigots out in force.

“We know people have deeply held ‘beliefs’ about homosexuality. That’s why we need legislation” screamed one. Orwell himself could not have written a better line about thought crime. We know that people will hold beliefs entirely separate to ours, therefore we need legislation to stop them from acting upon their morals? The function of legislation is to stop people from exercising their own free will?

Though no lawyer, it seems that the question of harm needs to come into play here. What harm is there from the proprietor of any business deciding who they may admit on their premises? It needs to be noted that the Bulls were not, in any event attempting to deny the use of their services to this couple, they were not denying them entry to the B&B, what they were doing was refusing them the use of a double room, in line with their policy. Had two separate rooms been available, then Mr Hall & Mr Preddy would have been perfectly welcome to avail themselves of the hospitality on offer. On an individual level the only “harm” caused to the couple, was that of hurt feelings and thus £1,800 apiece seems a disproportionate amount of compensation. A more realistic and just figure would have been a couple of hundred pounds between the couple to compensate them for the expenses incurred in having to arrange travel to a different hotel and the costs of a hotel room.

There is of course inherent harm in a society that wishes to negatively discriminate against people on the grounds of sexuality, race, gender or creed and no-0ne wishes to see a return to the days of hotels displaying signs stating “no Irish, no blacks” etc and thus it is important that legislation remains in place. It’s all about finding the middle ground, but this ruling does highlight the inconsistency in the law. A premises may withhold entry on the grounds on sexuality, as has happened to me in the past when out with members of gay cabin crew. I completely understand that like-minded people wish to have an environment in which they may relax and socialise without the threat of intimidation, which is why various establishments reserve the right to deny entry.

What I don’t understand is why a couple, who have a deeply-held and rational belief are penalised for running an establishment on the grounds of religion, yet another establishment is able to run their establishment on the grounds of sexuality? Why is one acceptable and not the other? Why could this couple not run their B&B according to their faith principles? Because it unfairly excluded a section of society? Could not the same principle be applied to high-profile nightclubs who refuse entry on the grounds of appearance, thus denying, as happened to me, the chance to see a certain performer? (Yes, I admit, to my everlasting embarrassment, I was attempting to see Kylie Minogue).

As a Christian I loathe the current narrative of persecution as it denigrates the suffering of those who have genuinely suffered the most horrific and abhorrent persecution, being a Christian does not entail gruesome torture and death, such as in the days of the Emperor Nero when Christians were covered in tar and pitch, crucified and set alight as human torches, through which the Emperor would stage nighttime chariot races. Nor do we face a holocaust like the one that decimated the lives of at least 6 million Jews in the middle of the twentieth century. To invite such comparisons invites justifiable ridicule and does nothing to advance the debate.

What the judgement does highlight is both the bigotry of others towards Christian beliefs, with tweeters triumphantly awarding the Bulls obscene awards amounting to “idiot of the year” couched in extremely offensive language, as well as the fact that to be a Christian is counter-cultural. Though this is to be expected, holding a counter-cultural viewpoint should not demand legislation.

The judge noted that the ruling “does affect the human rights of the defendants to manifest their religion and forces them to act in a manner contrary to their deeply and genuinely held beliefs.” and sensibly gave them leave to appeal.

This is the heart of the matter. How do we manage to balance conflicting interests in a fair and just society? How do we ensure that neither side is unfairly treated or marginalised?

It seems apparent that this particular case was a stitch-up job. The homosexual couple deliberately sought out this hotel and were determined to find offence and prove their point. It is unfortunate that due to illness on the day of the booking, the question about the couple’s marital status, which is normally pointed out to guests, was omitted. One does also have to question whether or not calling the police when one is refused entry to a premises is an instinctive or premeditated reaction?

The UK is renowned for its tolerance and diversity. We now have to ask ourselves some uncomfortable and searching questions about our identity. Are we prepared to live in a society which disbars people from entering certain professions or going into business by nature of their religious beliefs? Do we want legislation to prevent any discrimination whatsoever taking place? If so, then surely we need to make the existing legislation more consistent?

Is all discrimination bad and to be outlawed in the name of equality? Or is some discrimination better than others?